A most Amazing Son/Nephew / Kade Stephens (Aunt Kade ) Buggs, You are a most amazing young man. I miss our phone chats, and laughs. I just miss you. I can't believe its been nearly a year since you vacated our planet. What a void you left. One of the things I loved about you the most was your honesty. What a virtue to have. Not many people are honest like you. I wish for so amny things for you, but you don't need those things cause you are in Heaven with our Lord!I will love you forever. I will keep tabs on your Dad and keep loving him.He is one of the good guys. He sure misses you son. You can never be replaced. I hope some day it won't hurt so much to have you gone. I love you forever. Aunt Kade
One Wing In The Fire / Kristen Anglen (Friend) I think about you evey time I hear that song by Trent Tomlinson. "He is an angel with no halo and one wing in the fire. And I know he lives a little left of living right and he's came a little close to going way to far a few times." You are my angel with one wing in the fire. Yet I know you have a halo even though it is probably on sideways or around your neck Actually knowing you it is probably both around your neck and sideways!!! I love you oh so much and miss you terribly!!! Not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts.
Time/ Marissa Anderson (Girlfriend) I will NEVER "get over" losing you, but the more time passes the more I realize that although your body may not be here that your always with me in spirit. The pain will never go away but time has slowly eased the hurt in my heart. I may not fully understand Gods plan but I know now you have a greater purpose to serve in Heaven and he needed you. I will NEVER forget our love, your smile, your laugh, your hug, your kiss, everything about you that made me fall in love with you. Everywhere I go until I take my last breath you will go because you own a part of my life and my heart and that will never change. I miss my best friend. Keep watching over us and keeping us safe. Till we meet again.... I love you forever
Forever Changed / Marissa Anderson (Girlfriend) Forever Changed
Can you see the change in me? It may not be so obvious to you I participate in family activities. I attend family reunions.. I help plan holiday meals. You tell me you're glad to see that I don't cry anymore. But I do cry! When everyone has gone - when it is safe- the tears fall. I cry in privacy so my family won't worry. I cry until I am exhausted and can finally sleep. You tell me you admire my strength and my positive attitude. But I am not strong, I feel that I have lost control; and I panic when I think about tomorrow.... next week.... next year. I go about the routine of my job. I complete my assigned tasks. I drink coffee and smile. You tell me you are glad to see I'm "over" the death of my loved one. But I'm not "over" it. If I were to get over it, I would be the same as before my loved one died. I will never be the same.
At times I think I am beginning to heal but the pain of losing someone I loved so much has left a permanent scar on my heart. I visit my neighbors. You tell me that you're glad to see I'm holding up so well. But I'm not holding up well. Sometimes I want to lock the door and hide from the world. I spend time with my friends, I seem calm and collected. I smile when appropriate. You tell me it's good to see me back to my "old self" But I will never be back to my "old self". Death and grief, have touched my life.... and I am forever changed.
I miss you / Marissa Anderson (Girlfriend) I went over to Justin and Natalies house the other day for the first time in a long time. They turned our old room into a computer room. It took me a while to be able to go into the room... I just stood at the door and look around...taking it all in. It looked so different yet so much like it was still our room. And the bathroom we used they continued with the duck theme and painted the walls yellow. It looks so cute! Oh and I'm so happy Justin said I could keep the bed that we slept in! I don't know how I'm going to handle it but it's another thing we shared that I get to keep close to me. I love going over there and seeing Justin, Natalie and Jadyn I miss them alot. And oh baby, Jadyn is soo big!! She is still a sweet little mess just like she used to be. You 2 would have so much fun playing now. But it's still hard going over there...I don't know if it will ever get easier. Kaden is getting so big so fast. He's walking and talking now and he's Mo Mo's little man! I know that you loved him and it was always a fight when we would go over to see him because you wouldn't let me hold him. You were such a baby hog! I know you have some beautiful babies in heaven to play with now. I will make sure when Kaden grows up he knows what a special person you were and how much he ment to you. The only person in your family I talk to any more is your dad and it's been a while. I try to check in on him and see how he's doin from time to time. It's so hard for him..like it is for all of us but we find a way to get thru each day....somehow. It's finally starting to click for me that your really not comming back. I still have those days when I refuse to believe it and thats really hard for me. I still can't imagine my life without you. My one true love...it's so hard without you. I still don't understand why you were taken from us. It just doesn't make sence. People keep saying it's all part of God's plan and your in a better place. I guess I'm just selfish because I don't like Gods plan...I need you here with me.. we had a good place. I can't wait to be with you again to hug and kiss you to hear your voice again. I'm never going to let go! I miss you more with each passing day. My heart still aches for you. I LOVE YOU BABY!
well nathaniel, i still hate to come to work and not see you here, or have you running around texting all the time. I hate to look in your office and not see you sitting there, so i try not to look - and still dont go in there.... We all miss you so much and I never realized how good of a friend you were to me until you were gone. I miss you is all i really can say. Wish you were here to stand next to us, but i know you are here-in all our hearts, God Bless you nathaniel traill.....
AND THAT BABY TRAILL, i tell you-is one of the most beautiful baby boys i have ever seen, i know your proud.
Tomorrow/ Marissa Anderson (Girlfriend)
Hey baby! Tomorrow is the Tech N9ne concert....my first one without you with me. I know your going to be there in spirit and going to be partying with Jen and I just like the last time we went. I have to be good cuz I wont have you to hold me up and keep me from busting my ass . Jen and I are going to get red wrist bands like the ones you wore and we're going to make shirts...I'm not sure what I'm going to put on mine yet. I was thinking about putting Tech N9ne on the front and your name on the back...I know you would love having your name on a shirt . Work is going good, I'm going to Canada in Sept. with the President and Vice President of the company for a pipeline exposition so that'll be exciting. Oh and I'm going to be getting a new car as soon as I sell mine. I'm going to get a Mazda 3..they are soo cute. I know you would be calling me a retard right now about the car...I can picture your face. It's so hard talking to you and not being able to hear your voice. Or saying something dumb on accident and not having you making fun of me. I miss hearing your laugh soo much!! Well my love I have to get back to work now. Watch over me and Jen and keep us safe tomorrow cuz it's just going to be us girls. I miss you more than yesterday but less than tomorrow. I love you with all my heart!!! Close
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you!!!!! / Kristen Anglen (Friend)Read >>
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you!!!!! / Kristen Anglen (Friend)
We all miss you oh so much!! Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. Well Buddy added to your dent in the truck . He was soooo mad at himself. His birthday is tomorrow, but we are going out for it tonight. Can you believe that I am actually getting him out of the house!!!! I wish that you were going to be there. The party just will not be the same with out you. I have so many fun memories with you. Some times we just sit around and laugh about the things you have done or said. You were always the one with a smile on your face ready for a good laugh. Always willing to try anything. Always on the go, busy, busy!!!! Just thinking about your smile or THAT laugh makes me smile. Please watch over all of us. The girls are getting so big. They just grow up to fast. We love you and miss you terribly . Close
Remember/ Marissa Anderson (Buggs' one and only )Read >>
Remember/ Marissa Anderson (Buggs' one and only )
Remember that one time we were wrestling and I bit you on the arm and you held me down and gave me a big hickie on my neck just to be funny and when Justin asked what happend (which he already knew) you tried to play innocent and said you didn't know what happend but when you found the guy that did it you were going to kick his ass. And you thought it was soo funny because I said I got bit by a bug. Or the time you gave me a hickie on my face and everyone thought I got beat up. You just laughed everytime you looked at it. Yeah Buggs that was a funny one . And you used to put your mouth over my nose and blow air in my nose because it made a weird noise and made air come out my mouth. I always thought that was a lil weird but once again you found it so funny. God I miss the fun times we had and all the goofy things you did and said. It's so sad to think there wont be any more new memories but I am thankfull for all the ones I have. The days and nights are so lonley without you. My heart hurts so bad I can't stand it sometimes. It doesn't make sence. Why were you taken away when I need you so bad? How could this all be a part of Gods plan? Please give me strength. I miss you. I love you honey.
Thank you / Marissa Anderson (Girlfriend)
Hi honey! I've been thinking about you alot latley. I've been really missing you and all of the time we spent together. I can say it a million times but nothing can fully express how much I miss you and how empty I feel inside without you. I keep thinking of where we would be today....if we would have gotten that condo or if we would have our own house and if you would have Psycho. I know we would be just as happy as the last time we were together. Last night made a lot of since to me and I really needed to hear that from you and it was so comforting to know. I'm so sorry it took me this long to see it. Things have just been really hard for me. I put on this happy face all the time when deep down all I want to do is scream. I just miss you so much. It's so hard being without you. But I know your proud of me and that makes me so happy. Please give me strength and help me get thru the rough times. I can't wait to be with you again my love. I'll be missin you till we meet again. I love you....to the stars and back baby! xoxoAlways in my heart!Close
For You / Erin (Co-worker/friend)
I thought about you the other day, your name always gets brought up in conversations. I miss my "Good Morning Erin" you would say everyday even though you knew how much I hated mornings, but it always made me smile. You were such a sweet guy, I miss that about you too.
Sister got married yesturday and I made the programs we got to thinking one day that we wanted to pay tribute to all our friends who have passed so of course we included your name. Nathaniel, I'm horrible at writing so I'm just going to leave you this poem.
To everything there is a season,
And a time to every purpose under the heaven.
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck that which is planted;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and time of peace.
-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 Close
I missed you so much today.Today was Classics company picnic.It was just not the same without you.Life is just not the same without you.I have said it a thousand times but I miss my best friend!!!I guess I am just being selfish.I know that you are in a better place and I know that you are happy.I know that you are with me every day, but it is just not the same.You have been gone for 6 months.I miss you so much!!!I know that you are in a better place and I know that this is all part of God's plan.I just miss you so much.I thank God everyday that I got to have you in my life for those few years.A thousand years would not have been long enough.You are an amazing friend.And I can't thank you enough for Buddy.He is a wonderful husband and if it weren't for you I would have never found him.I love you.We all love you.
You were the only one to help me move to school, and before we did you asked me not to go because who were you going to hang out with. I feel like i left you when i moved and we weren't as close after, but you always answered your phone when i needed something. You got me into alot of trouble, like that night with your cousin when she came down from washington, by the way, sorry about your car, and that time on memorial with the ice pack and the other mustangs, but you showed me how not to be afraid to have a little fun and now most my stories start with "this one time me and buggs..." thanks buddy.
Missing you / Marissa Anderson (girlfriend)Read >>
Missing you / Marissa Anderson (girlfriend)
Hey baby! I miss you sooooo much! A part of me is gone...I feel empty, lonley, and lost. I need one of your huggs to make me feel safe again. I havn't felt like that since you've been gone. I miss your smell... I sprayed your cologne today but everytime i smelled it you were there getting ready for work and giving me a kiss saying "have a good day at work honey I love you" and thats how we started our day. And it broke my heart again to smell your cologne knowing your not going to be there to wish me a good day...all I could do was sit in the floor and cry. I had to call Kristen to talk to and plus I wanted to pick up your clothes that i left over there untill I had room for them. Because as you know I moved back in with my parents which has been really good for me I think. I was so upset to leave Justins house because I felt as if I was leaving a part of you behind. I was upset that I couldn't be in our room or our bathroom anymore and see things the way you left it. I couldn't even move your toothbrush or your clothes out of the bathroom someone else had to do it....I just coulnd't bring myself to do it.. I felt like I was packing you away and I couldn't. But it's a good thing getting out of that house because I don't know that I would have ever decided to leave on my own. I know that leaving that house isn't leaving you behind or leaving any memory I have of you. I still havn't found another job yet...I don't know if I'm ready to go back to work...plus I'm spoiled to being able to go over and see Kristen and the girls during the day whenever I want to . I'm so lucky for getting to spend what time we did together. I thank God for bringing us back together and for our awesome friendship and relationship. You showed me amaizing strength and courage and passion for life and taught me to believe in the impossible and not to let the little things get to me and to live life to the fullest and have fun no matter what I'm doing. I have you to thank for that and so much more. You helped me grow into the person I am...you showed me what ture love really is and that anything is possible. But I really need your help honey...I don't feel I have any strength left to fight this aweful fight. I just want to be with you again. If I could go be with you and come back I would everyday but I know thats not possible. I just wait till I get to be with my love again...one day. I still think of the last night we spent together Saturday Dec 3. You went to the mall with Josh and met up with Kristen and the girls and bought a new hat and neckless and went ring shopping for me. Then you guys came back to the appartment with your "present" that you got me. I was having a bad day and I was crying and you just held me and kissed me and told me everything would be ok..that I had you and you wouldn't ever leave. Jennifer asked if I needed a best friend hug (from her) or a boyfriend hug and you told her that you were both my boyfriend and my best friend and you gave me a huge hug. Then I borrowed Jennifers clothes because It was cold outside and I was all dressed up from being at a wedding and you borrowed a coat from Josh and we went walking. Thats when you told me you went ring shopping and we were talking about going to look at a condo for us to buy in the morning...then we were going to go to Cody and Tiffani's and pick up L.B. to take her to the park for a walk. Then you got a call from Kristen...told her you would call her back tomorrow and we went back to the appartment to change and went home. I'm so glad the last night we had together was awasome and that I got to hear you tell me how much you loved me one more time and I got to tell you I loved you. I could have never imagined that you wouldn't be with me when I woke up that next morning..that morning haunts me all the time....a lot of what happened that morning is still a blur but I still remember the phone call to Cody all I could say was Buggs isn't breathing....I called Paco and he joked around thinking it was you calling from my phone...I called Josh...Cody and your dad showed up and Cody just hugged me telling me everything would be ok and I thought it would...I rode with Cody and your dad and we followed the ambulance all I could do was pray...Kristen and Buddy showed up and she told me later that she asked me what happend and I looked at her like I didn't know who she was and I couldn't speak I was in such shock...Then the doctor came in the room and told us you were gone I thought it was a joke...When we were able to go back and see you I couldn't leave...I went back there 3 times to see you and I couldn't leave your side knowing that would be the last time and I was going home without you...a lot of things from that day are still a blur and people tell me thats probably a good thing. I drive myself crazy sometimes with the what if's but so I've heard things happen for a reason....I just can't imagine what reason would be good enuf. I know God had a special plan for you thats why you had to leave but it doesn't help with the pain. Ooh my love I miss you so much! I LOVE YOU TO THE STARS AND BACK!! Close
I miss my friend! / Marissa Anderson (Buggs one and only )Read >>
I miss my friend! / Marissa Anderson (Buggs one and only )
This song is exactly the way I feel about you being gone. It's by Darryl Worley and called I Miss My Friend. I miss you more and more everyday my love! I can't wait to go to sleep each night because that's when I get to be with you again in my dreams. Save a place up there next to you for me when I get there! I love you soooo much baby! We all miss you tons!! Please send some huggs and kisses to help mend my broken heart and give me strength when I feel I can't go on...I know I can count on you to take care of me like you always did! Your my world and I'll be missing you till we meet again! I love you more than words can say! Goodnight baby and sweet dreams..I know mine will be!
Darryl Worley I Miss My Friend
I miss the look of surrender in your eyes The way your soft brown hair would fall I miss the power of your kiss when we made love But baby most of all
I miss my friend The one my heart and soul confided in The one I felt the safest with The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again And let the light back in I miss my friend
I miss the colors that you brought into my life Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now Saying it'll be alright
I miss my friend The one my heart and soul confided in The one I felt the safest with The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again And let the light back in I miss my friend
I miss those times I miss those nights I even miss our silly fights The making up The morning talks And those late afternoon walks
I miss my friend The one my heart and soul confided in The one I felt the safest with
Well Buggs 4 years ago today we saved each others life.I can not believe it was that long ago.We have been through so much together.I never could have done it all with out you.Thank you so much for staying by my side through all of my surgeries.Thank you for driving to OKC everyday just to see me.Thank you for never letting me stay a night in the hospital alone.You are a great friend.Those six months were hard on our relationship, but nothing could ever come between us.No matter how mad we got at each other we would eventually got over it.You are the best friend anyone could ever ask for.I miss my best friend so much.I talk to you all the time but I can not hear your voice.I sit here and think about the past and all of our good times together.I remember the last day I saw you (Saturday night at the mall).You had your goofy hat on!!!I remember the last phone conversation we had.I had no clue it would ever be our last.I can not believe it has been 5 months.When I saw the missed call form your mom's house Sunday I automatically thought that it was you calling from her house.I called your cell phone and nobody answered so I called her house back.I will never forget that day as long as I live.I wish that I had one more day, one more talk, one more hug.I feel so lost sometimes.I still want to pack your lunch and call you at work.I don't have anybody to keep me updated on all the gossip going around Owasso :).Life is just not the same without you.You mean so much to me Buddy and the girls.We love you and miss you.
Another Little Traill / Kristen Anglen (Friend)Read >>
Another Little Traill / Kristen Anglen (Friend)
Well Buggs you used to always say that the world could use a few more Buggs', well now the world has another Nathaniel.I know that you are so proud.He is a handsome little boy, but then again he is a Traill boy!Congratulations Uncle Buggs!!!
why/ Michael Anderson (friend)
god buggs your gone. WHY? its not the same. i have called you a couple times not even thinking. i have even called classic and asked for you just out of habit but meaning to talk to buddy. i thought it got easier. well i'm glad we met again at git n go that day. we stayed in trouble when we were together but atleast it was fun. i miss you calling me and saying "whats up man, what are you doing, who are you with?" all in 2 seconds. hell i miss you! well when i get there with you then you will have to teach me to ride like you. kaden is fixing to start walking. he is growing so fast. i suck at all this. i guess i will see you later. Close